I’ve never really been one to have lists when it came to dating. I mean, would you want a man to choose you based off of some unrealistic checklist of expectations?
She must be a brunette
She must enjoy the same music as me
She must love to watch all sports
She must cook as well as my mom
Going on a date with the hopes that you meet all the expectations of the man sitting across the table from you, sounds TERRIBLE! As if there is not enough pressure going on during a first date. Thank goodness, God does not expect us to live up to a checklist; rather, he loves us for who we are and meets us right where we are. God doesn’t use checklists on people, and we shouldn’t either!
I hate to admit it, but once upon a time I had a list like this. It was full of silly attributes that I expected my future husband to possess. In my head if he didn’t play guitar, like to cook and love all things Disney, he was simply not marriage material.
Somewhere in the midst of my many years of singleness, God hit me over the side of the head with a reality check: Would I want a guy to choose me based off of some unrealistic checklist?
No, a thousands times, NO!
However, dating is overwhelming. Especially if you’re dating with the purpose of marriage in mind. When I first started dating my husband, I practically begged God for a list, a road map, anything that would tell me Patrick was who God wanted me to marry! In all my begging, I realized that God didn’t want to give me a checklist because he wanted me to choose who I would spend the rest of my life with. Go figure!
In my desperation for a glimpse of the future I slowly began to realize the blessing of getting to choose. My husband chose me, and I chose him. He wanted me, no one else but me. He loved me for who God created me to be and wanted to be there for the rest of my story.
Being chosen is priceless.
But how do we choose? How do we decide that we are in this for the long run? Though there is no hard and fast way to discern who you choose to marry, you can always use what I like to call the “filtering system.”
Katie and I (Rebekah) have opposite stories when it comes to our “romantic” lives. Katie once told me, “because I settled in the relationship department, and made some huge mistakes, I felt disqualified for a healthy marriage someday.” Even though our backgrounds are different, we both ended up with great men who love us for who we are.
I was the girl who had to dance at every wedding to All the Single Ladies while desperately hoping the Bride’s bouquet really did have special powers.
Katie was the girl who dated jerk after jerk in hopes that she could change them--or get them to love her back. In the end, she was left alone and full of guilt.
We both thought we didn’t deserve men who loved us for us. When our husbands entered the scene, we found ourselves in panic mode as we tried to decide if this person was going to be who we spent the rest of our lives with.
Click the articles below to check out our “filtering systems” when it comes to dating.
How to Know He is the One by Rebekah Perryman
How to Know He is Not the One by Katie Humphress