3 Lessons from Premarital Counseling that Work a Decade Later

I freaking love Anthony Wallace Humphress. Always have, always will...99% of the time.

Anthony and I met and married within seven months. Did we date seven months? No. We met for the first time April 26, 2004, pretended not to like each other, fell madly in love, and were married December the same year.

He’s the best. He just is. I genuinely like my husband. He’s wild (in a good way), brilliant, and just look at him: what a stone cold fox.

But I digress.

One of the most helpful things we ever did--on accident--was to get double premarital counseling. Anthony’s mentor was a pastor, but the gorgeous church downtown required you to use one of their pastors as well. We got double counseling. We hated it at first, but WOW, we learned some stuff we use to this day.

No matter where you are relationship-wise, consider what we learned over 11 years ago:

  1. Love is a commitment. Sometimes you don’t feel love, you choose it. Anthony and I were giddy, crazy, madly in love in 2004--like, give-me-a-break in love. But after kids, cleaning the kitchen, and life decisions, love is more of a choice. We choose to love each other through the tedium and chaos of life. It’s not always “easy,” it’s a commitment.

  2. Figure out dumb stuff--like chores--in advance. I haven’t done Anthony’s laundry since 2005. If he waited on me to do it, well, he’d still be waiting. I can stretch my laundry out a loooonnngggg time. It makes more sense to be honest about stuff.

  3. Pray together. It’s awkward at first, but man. Just do it. There’s something vulnerable and intimate about praying. The closer you grow to God as a couple, the closer you grow to each other.

Anthony still makes me laugh, still encourages me to step out of my comfort zone--but life is not always what you think it will be. We’ve weathered some storms together, and it’s not always been easy to get along. But I’m so glad for the double-counseling fluke that gave us such a firm foundation. Thanks to the advice we got early on, instead of weathering storms alone, we still go to counseling on occasion today.

What about you? Would talking to a counselor be worth your time--whether you’re single, engaged, or married? It might help you develop a firm foundation for your future...even if you’re not sure what your future holds. Heck, none of us know about the future, including me, but figuring out priorities never hurts.


#katie #marriage #relationships #dating


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