Seeking the Lord Through the Pain

As a girl who grew up with parents in ministry, one might think my life was all rainbows and unicorns (also, whoever thought unicorns are a symbol of happiness is crazy—they’re creepy). However, that hasn’t always been the case. I became a believer when I was seven years old, but as a seven year old, not much in my life changed. My faith in Christ became real and was strengthened when challenges appeared in my life.

At the age of fourteen I would say my life was going well—I was making straight A’s, I made varsity soccer at my high school, I had great friends at church.

My world quickly spun out of orbit when my Papa passed away. Papa Tom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2008, and I honestly didn’t think much about it. I was doing my thing, living my life, and I just assumed that the Lord would heal Papa. However, that was not in the Lord’s plan and Papa passed away in February of 2009.

My life quickly changed—Papa was my best friend. That might sound cliché or strange, but it was true. Papa was the best person I knew, and he had a huge part in my growing up. Then all of a sudden, he was gone. I was angry. A typical cliché of when something in one’s life goes horribly awry is to be angry with God, but it is real life for many people. Even David in the Bible got mad at God:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent. (Psalm 22:1-2)

When there is suffering in our lives, it is completely natural to be angry with God. The problem comes into play when one ignores God and pushes Him out of his or her life. That’s what happened to me.

I did not pray, I did not want to go to church, and I did not read my Bible for several years. I was so angry with the Lord for taking away the person I loved most and for not answering our prayers for healing. Because I was not pursuing Christ during this time in my life, I was miserable. When I was a junior in high school I was diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, and OCD. Through awesome friendships, my parents, wonderful mentors, and deciding to come back to God, I am finally realizing that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

To overcome these trials, I now pursue Christ on a daily basis because I am weak and He is strong, just like the children’s song says. We can do nothing without the Lord, because we are a fallen people, and we need Him to help us in everything we do. We need to lay our burdens down for the Lord, because He is the only one who can lift these burdens. When life is hard and you just want to cry on the couch and eat some mint chocolate chip ice cream (can I get an Amen?), cry out to the Lord instead. Run after Him, because He is there for you. So, with that being said: stay strong, beautiful people. The Lord desires to have a relationship with us, and it is so easy to go about our business and not spend time in the word or with the Lord. It is crucial to intentionally spend time with God, through times of joy and through times of need.

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. (Isaiah 40:29)”.

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#anxiety #family #hope


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