I remember it like it was yesterday. The sting of yet another heartbreak. The feeling of letting my soul be crushed and stomped on by a man who never deserved to hold it in the first place. I remember laying in bed crippled by the overwhelming feeling of sadness and worrying for my well-being. I had never before experienced what depression felt like. I had always been resilient and had been able to bounce back from whatever turmoil came my way.
This time was different. I physically could not get out of bed for days on end. My best friends and roommates would check on me and leave me notes and candy. I don't think they even understood the severity of the situation.
But I do remember the moment when my best friend Maggie invited me to the college ministry night at CU Boulder called The Annex. I remember being late to it because I was babysitting late, and I remember that I almost didn't go.
Something in me took over, and I literally felt like someone else was driving my car to the church. I didn't want to go at all. I was nervous. I hadn't stepped foot in a church for over two years after leaving my Catholic home and fleeing from anything church or God-related out of spite and anger.
Here I was.
I remember looking around in worship and seeing other students around with their hands raised in praise. I was so confused. What is this place? What is this feeling? Is this what it is really supposed to be like?
And I remember that the song "Oceans" by Hillsong came on, and I had never heard anything so beautiful in my life.
The Lord spoke to me that night, whether I wanted to hear it or not. He spoke to me and told me that He was the one I had been searching for all along.
All those times you gave your heart away in hopes that a man would love you and wouldn't leave you... the endless searching for your worth...the times you gave your heart, soul, and body away in a desperate attempt to be loved and accepted...I’ve been here all along...waiting for the moment you would let me come and be all of those things for you.
I was wrecked that night. Wrecked by Perfect Love Himself. I have never been the same.
The Lord taught me something that night that I think He longs for every woman to know deep into her bones.
He alone is Satisfaction and Fulfillment. He is Love. He is everything our soul longs for all in one Perfect Man who is God Himself.
I know no sweeter name. I know no greater love. His love is all I will ever need, all I ever long for.
In my darkest hour, He pulled me from me pit of self-made destruction and healed every square inch of my broken and very scarred heart. He replaced it with a brand new heart that only beats for Him and His glory.
He wants to do this for each and every woman. Each and every human being. He wants to do this for anyone who is reading this who doesn't know this sweet, sweet man Jesus. He died for this very reason.
I promise that letting Him be Love in your life will be the single best decision you will ever make in your life.
Let go and let His love wreck your life, your plans, and your control. Let go. Let go.
Amanda is the founder of sheiscaptivating.com
Connect with her on Instagram: @sheiscaptivating