Six years ago my life turned disastrous in seconds, everything changed beyond recognition. What mattered most before seemed hugely insignificant now, and the little things that were overlooked daily, became huge. God rewrote the ending to my life's story, my world collided with His and He provided me with the most beautiful second chance. My daughter and I were poisoned by Carbon Monoxide and the night fell just short of us drawing our last breaths while sleeping.
Psalm 107:19-21 “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble and He saved them from their distress. He sent out His word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind.”
Our lives were forever altered; breathing, cognitive skills, memory and balance changed in the blink of an eye. We are now survivors, not victims of traumatic brain injuries. Every day is a constant reminder that He interrupts our lives and it’s ok to embrace imperfection. He is allowing me to suffer for His name’s sake and I am believing in Him and on His promises.
Simple tasks, such as breathing, would forever be a challenge and I would have to dig deep within myself to the places He had already nestled. The struggle is relentless and oftentimes paralyzing and without His intervention I couldn’t endure. A perfect climate for me is not too hot, not too cold and not wet. Sunny days are my friend and wet ones I lean on Him for every inhale and every exhale.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
If my God can turn water into wine, I know that such a small thing as breathing is not too difficult for Him. He whispers hope, air and peace in me! I will take one breath at a time and trust Him for the next. I will continue to embrace the big and small moments; every breath I’m given.
Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed in strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.”
I’m a writer, and connecting words has been the one thing to bring me so much joy and now it provides me utter frustration. “Am I still able to link words?” I often ask myself, in disbelief.
Writing is my ministry and it’s how I connect with others in both my beautiful and broken places. Some days writing is my soft place to fall and other days I cannot even stand afterwards. Many times my faith and hope slip, but His grace wins every time.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for you,
my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly
about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
I am a seeker of God’s grace and look daily for God winks in every breath I’m given.
God’s love for us is huge and gentle at the same time. Sometimes He breaks us when we are already broken so we have no other choice but to trust Him. His love is intentional as are our trials and hurts; they are not mistakes to Him. He may not move your mountain and He may even allow a larger one, but He will walk the path with you if you let Him. If you’ve lost your trust in Him, you feel broken and helpless; if you are drowning, over your head in despair, in need of one more breath, take it from Him.
God used this disaster to dissolve a broken marriage and link my life with the most amazing man, through merging tears, broken hope, and many answered prayers. The birth of our relationship was the epitome of me needing to stop holding on and just be held. Sometimes our battles spill us into who He meant for us to be all along, and I am proof of that. We will spend the rest of our lives living breaths without regret. I received a fairy-tale ending and God gets the glory.