When I was asked to tell my story I didn't really know where to begin; there are so many different stories to tell. I have faced so many different obstacles that have shaped me into the Jesus-loving woman I am today. There are two things that I have struggled with more than anything in my walk with Christ: Trusting in God's plan for me and having confidence in the person God made me to be. So please bear with me, as I try and put into words what all has shaped me into me.
Trusting in God.
When I was 16 God called me to go on a mission trip to Honduras; it was the first time I had ever really felt God call me to do anything. I was excited but reluctant at first. As time went on I knew I had to listen to God and commit to go. The trip led me way out of my comfort zone, far beyond where I had ever gone before. I had never rode on an airplane, I had never been out of the country, and although I had been a Christian for many years, I had never prayed in public.
I left Honduras a completely different person. On this trip God showed me what it was like to be thankful for the small things in life such as clean water, a home, a bed, and so much more. God showed me a happiness I had never known and He gave me the chance to love like I had never loved before. I would love to tell in detail everything that happened in Honduras, but for now I just want to share the thing that impacted me the most, and that was the children and their trust.
As soon our mission team arrived at El Tablado, the village where we would be doing our work, the children welcomed us with open arms. The adults welcomed just as easily, but me having the mother's heart that I have, I connected with the children more. The children hugged us, they played games with us, they showed us around their homes and acted as if they had known us for years. They blindly trusted us because they knew we were there to bring them good things. They needed help and they knew we were there to help them. They trusted that we would do for them all that we said we would.
The trust that those children and families had for all of us on the team taught me such a valuable lesson: That it is important for us to learn to trust God. Even when we can't see what He is doing, even when it seems like God has forgotten about us, God is working! He is doing something so amazing, we may not see it right away, but we just have to have faith in God's faithfulness to us. In Deuteronomy 7:9, The Message Version, it says, “Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend upon. He keeps His covenant of loyal love with those who love Him and observe His commandments for a thousand generations.” This verse plainly says that God is dependable and that we can always trust that He will keep his covenant to us.
Just as those children blindly trusted me in keeping my word, I now choose to trust my God to keep His word. “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.” Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG
Confidence as a Child of God.
Confidence: It's an easy enough word to say and spell, but for some reason it is so hard for some people to obtain and I am one of those people.
All too often, I fall short of my own expectations. The disappointment of that makes me feel so inadequate. God has called me to be a worship leader. It's something I am so excited about it, I truly believe God has such an amazing plan in the works for me. More often than not, I let myself believe that I am not good enough to fulfill God's plan for me. I guess that sometimes I forget that in God's eyes I am more than enough. Although I frequently remind myself of that, I still find my confidence going downhill when I make even the simplest of mistakes. Then I had a conversation with a friend of mine. He sent me this verse, Jeremiah 17:9, The Message Version, “The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.” I didn't understand that verse for the life of me. I just couldn't comprehend how my heart, the place I associate with love and life, could deceive me. I never saw my own heart as weapon against me in this war with Satan.
Satan, the enemy, is “the father of lies” (John 8:44). He is a true deceiver. He was changing my perspective on my God-given abilities, making them appear much worse than what they were. Something I have had to learn to do is realize what the lies are that the enemy has put into my heart. Lies such as: “I need to get this perfect,” “I have to sound more like someone else,” “I will never be good enough for The King.” Those lies, very obviously, are NOT Biblical truth. Christ does not condemn; so whenever a negative thought about myself enters my mind, I have to remember “THIS IS NOT FROM THE FATHER!!”
What is from the Father is that I'm loved and I have a very important role in His master plan. I still struggle with this truth, but I am growing more confident as a Child of God. I remember this one particular moment where God truly revealed to me that I was enough. I was leading worship with a few people and after everything was over a woman approached and told me that she sensed a peaceful presence about me, she told me that even though she was just meeting me she could see the Holy Spirit within me and she went on to say how talented she thought I was and how much of a blessing the words I sang were to her. That's when it hit me. How is it that someone else can see in me what I can't see in myself?
I was believing Satan, not God. I wasn't giving 100% of my faith and for that, I was failing. Those negative thoughts I have about myself, the thoughts Satan puts into my mind and into my heart, are not the thoughts God has about me. Those thoughts do not define me or my abilities. Having confidence in myself and having confidence in the plan God has for me defines me. My Child of God self is what defines me.
Everyday I am still learning. Learning to trust in God and learning to have confidence in who he has made me to be and I believe I will always be learning and going through different obstacles that will continue shaping me into a God-loving lady. Following Christ is a continuous path and although it's not always going to be easy, we're always going to be loved by our God. Read more...