Hey lovely ladies! Do you ever feel like you are continually climbing this mountain to feel worthy? If I could just get that degree, than I will finally be worthy. When I get that promotion, then I will be considered successful. Guess what ladies, it is a continual uphill climb. Once you make it to one peak, you realize there is another goal to accomplish. Control and Perfection used to be my worst enemies. I am going to share with you how God worked in my heart to find my worth in Him alone and not in my own efforts.
My freshman year of high school I was continually striving for perfection. I was the freshman girl who fit in with the older, popular crowd. They would always tell me how beautiful and athletic I was, and I spent a lot of time and energy trying to maintain this image. I found my worth in starting on the varsity volleyball team and hanging around with the popular crowd. I was living for myself and only to bring glory to me.
My world was turned upside down when I found out I had to have surgery on my foot. This news caused a huge wave of anxiety and worry to crash over me. How could I train for volleyball? What if I gain weight because I can’t work out? If I can’t play sports, will my friends still like me? Everything that I found my worth in was taken away from me. I developed an unhealthy obsession with controlling what I ate. Since I couldn’t control my athletic performance, I found something else to control. I had this abnormal fear of gaining weight and eating unhealthy.
I didn’t recognize I had a problem until the next year when my coaches noticed my weight loss and loss of energy. They called my mom, and my mom approached me. I denied that I had a problem, but this was my breaking point. I was tired of striving, tired of never being enough, tired of this fear of not being perfect. I was sick of it. I clearly remember breaking down and crying out to God that night. At that moment, I knew that I wanted to change and start living life for God and not for myself. One verse that changed my perspective was Ephesians 2:10, which states, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Isn’t that amazing ladies? We are God’s workmanship, and he has a purpose for each one of us. Even in the midst of our biggest struggles, he can use us. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to serve God and build his kingdom.
I started spending time in God’s word and prayer. My intimate relationship with Christ tremendously grew and I didn’t find worth in having a perfect body but in Christ alone. 1 Samuel 16:7 states, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” This verse really spoke to me, and gave me a desire to spend more time focusing on maintaining a beautiful heart than a beautiful body. Instead of doing things to bring honor to myself, God gave me this sincere desire to bring glory to Him through my everyday actions. I remember coming across the Bible verse Matthew 5:16 “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.” After reading this verse, God gave me this strong desire to change the atmosphere in my school and community and to shine His light throughout the school.
I am currently a junior in college, and there are days where I still have to rely on God to help me embrace the glorious mess that I am. When I started college as a freshman, I still had this strong desire to be perfect and have control over my life. I had my whole life planned. I knew where I was going to get my master’s degree, what age I wanted to get married at, and how many children I wanted to have. As I grew in my relationship with Christ, God slowly worked in my heart to show me He is in control. If we set our eyes on Him daily and focus on His will, He will lead us where He wants us to go. Proverbs 3:5-6 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Instead of worrying about what you will do tomorrow, embrace each and every person God puts in your path today. Replace that fear and anxiety about the future with joy for every opportunity God gives you today. On those days, where you feel like you are far from perfect, just remember to embrace the glorious mess that you are. Your worth does not come from your accomplishments or your outer beauty. It comes from much deeper within. You are God’s masterpiece, and He can use you right where you are.