As I sit here in a coffee shop on a night where our world is needing prayers more than ever, I realize that I have something bigger to do than write a paper, and that is to share my story of how God came back into my life and made me new.
This past summer I was in a place I didn’t know existed, a place full of fear and depression. A place where I woke up every morning and thought, “I am going to die today,” and believed it. I was living my life in utter fear to the point where it took a toll on my health and the relationships around me.
With constant panic attacks, heart palpitations, and not knowing where to turn because no one understood what I was going through (how could they when I kept mostly to myself?) I had lost my faith. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or enjoy the life that I was living. I was physically making myself ill and tearing my life apart piece by piece. No one could see what was happening to me until I was in the country of Ireland for two weeks out of my summer studying abroad. It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, God’s work at its finest, but for some reason it caused fear inside of me to skyrocket.
I still remember the phone call to this day… my sweet mother on the other end of the phone the day before I was coming home on the dreaded flight, saying the words that would change my life forever, “Lynsey, you have lost your faith.” Now I know what you’re thinking, this should have clicked automatically and make me realize what I was doing to myself.. but it didn’t. I spent three more months of my life scared of what was to come, with God completely out of my life. I put my happiness in other people’s hands and relied on them to make myself better. It wasn’t until I decided to start completely new and push some people out of my life that I realized what I have needed all along wasn’t the satisfaction of pleasing other people, but pleasing God and having the faith that I once had.
The Turning Point
It was in this very coffee shop that I am in now where my eyes were opened to a new and incredible beginning. It was on a night much like tonight, procrastination at its finest, writing a paper in the wee hours of the night. The coffee shop normally closes at 7 PM and stays open to the college students that live in the apartment above (I don’t live in said apartments), but the doors were wide open. I took my Noodles and Company and sat a couple of tables away from two girls who were having a Bible study. At first I proceeded to ignore them because my paper was due at midnight and I hadn’t even wrote my name, but I had left my headphones at home. The procrastinator in me decided to give up and listen to Kara and Corie Beth, as they were studying the book of Galatians. They begin to spill out their hearts on how everything in their life is by faith and not by works. How just living everyday by doing good deeds, and the so called “Godly actions” isn’t what is going to call us to heaven, but living and having faith in Him is everything that we need. As I sat there and listened to these two strangers talk for almost thirty minutes, tears began to fall from my eyes, sweat filled the palms of my hands, and my heart was racing as the intense amount of courage that came over me was about to completely change my life. I quietly got up from my seat, pulled a chair up to their table and laid my story down to two complete strangers that, at this point, didn’t even know my name. It was the best and most incredible decision I have ever made, and I didn’t see that at the moment.
My Life Now
Kara and Corie Beth have become two of my closest friends. We have a friendship full of love for God, prayer for others, and living by faith where the good works follow from having faith in God and His plan. We are still studying the book of Galatians once a week and going to a ministry here on campus. I feel God working in so many ways of my life and calling me to things I didn’t know were possible. I am going to a youth conference for New Year’s, full of thousands of college students where I know that my story could be the turning point in someone’s life. I want to be a light in this world full of darkness that I once lived in. A world that I never knew I could escape. In my everyday life, I want people to see this new me, I want them to see God in me and the new person that I have become. I wasn’t Lynsey for a long time of my life, but now I am. I am Lynsey and I have been made new. I am full of love and passion for God, and know that my story isn’t my story at all. This is a story of God, that I want the world to hear.