On Saturday, I woke up really grumpy and everything was making me feel mad, even the breakfast my mom made. I tried to hide my discontent with life - because I really didn’t know what was making me feel like that - so I just stayed on my room reading dumb articles on the Internet.
I hated that day so much, and all I could think was that my life was the most boring thing ever and that I was sick of waiting. Waiting to lose those extra pounds to feel like myself again, waiting to finally finish my career and study something I’m passionate about, waiting for a text or even a small notification of “___liked your photo,” waiting for my own car, waiting for adventure and excitement on my everyday life, waiting to go back to L.A., and the list goes on.
All those thoughts happened while I was taking a shower and I remember telling God that I didn’t understand His timing and His plans, that for me anything of that made sense and that I wanted to stop talking to Him and praying about everything I wanted.
The day continued and everything was gloomy and gray. I didn’t want to go out and when I had dinner with my aunt, who is like my second mom, the whole night I complained about “my boring life” while I was making fun of myself. It was almost like a stand up comedy talk, but still I didn’t feel well, I was feeling miserable.
The next day, I woke up with the desire of going to church, which I found weird because the day before I was really mad at God, so I tried to ignore those desires, but guys, you know how He works, so at the end I went to church at the 11:00 AM service.
Since I got there, I felt peace on my heart. I was feeling guilty for everything I had said the day before, but still I felt loved and like I had been forgiven. This was just the first part…the shocking part came when the pastor started talking.
GUESS WHAT THE PASTOR SAID?! The first thing that he said was “God answers your prayers even in the darkest hours” and I thought “Really? God, I mean…really?”.
Then He made us read Habakkuk, and well…everything was mind blowing! Chapter 2, verse 3 says: This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. At that time I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or laugh…I was overwhelmed.
Everything made sense! I understood that as humans, we want EVERYTHING right now, but God knows us and He knows our hearts, so at the end His timing is the perfect one. It’s hard, it’s frustrating and even disappointing, but here is when we have to be patient, have faith and make our relationship with Him deeper and stronger.
I tend to feel frustrated about my life and my future. I ask God why - even if I try - I am not that successful with my blog, why I’m not writing for a certain place or magazine, why I’m not living my 20s to the fullest, why I am here when people my age are traveling around the world and doing something with their careers, why I haven’t done X or Y thing, and as I said before, the list goes on and on.
After yesterday’s sermon, instead of feeling sad and frustrated, my heart was feeling hopeful and calmed. I have no idea when the things I desire are going to happen, but I have faith that if they’re God’s will, they will happen someday. Maybe I’m not ready for everything I want and desire, but right now I’m sure God is shaping me and making me a stronger women, so when the time is right, things will happen.
It’s hard! Believe me it is! Right now I might sound encouraging and inspiring, but maybe I will have these fears again another day, but now I know that God listens to me and that if I pray, He will give me the peace I need.
If you ever feel this way, I encourage you to pray. If you feel uncertainty about your life or doubts about which path it is going to take, talk with the Lord, talk with Him in the same way you talk with your loved ones and ask Him to give you revelation. God will show you the way.
He is good.
He is faithful.