I am a twenty-two year-old who has a lot of joy and energy. Confidence, contentment and acceptance of my personality have not always been there though. On Sundays, my sister and I always went to church with our family. Growing up I leaned heavily on the idea that sitting in a pew every Sunday, tithing and singing worship songs somehow swept the ‘not so nice parts about me’ under the rug. To me, fellowship and a relationship with God seemed like something I had to do because it was the only logical thing to do.
I grew up always knowing that I would be the caretaker for my parents someday. I have a mom who is my best friend! The TV show Gilmore Girls depicts the relationship between Rory and Lorelei, and although it's fiction, that is exactly how my Mom and I are. We had weekly sleepovers, Friday night movie dates, deep talks and nightly one-hour conversations on the phone.
In sixth grade, I gave my life to Christ. I have always felt like God wired me a little differently from day one; I never felt completely ‘normal’ in middle or high school. What is normal though? I spent a lot of time being an observant person because I never wanted to laugh at mean things others laughed at. I felt like I looked at life differently than my classmates and peers. Outsiders probably assumed that I lived this ideal picture-perfect, Hallmark Channel, Godly lifestyle.
But that’s not the case at all.
I feel that my journey to Christ is so special because I have truly had to fight hard for my walk with Him. My reputation as a Church-going girl followed me around. Though we went to church together, we never truly talked openly about who Christ is, nor did we pray together as a family.
I went through a lot of emotional bondage of just wanting a man to pursue me, listen to me and share in deep conversations. I found my value in the reassurance of men valuing me. I found myself in a relationship where I robbed myself of a precious gift. This time I wanted to run away from the emotional bondage that came from that relationship and just run into the arms of Jesus.
I feel like we live in a world where society tells women that if you give yourself away to a man, then just continue. However, on January 1, 2015 I began a new relationship with God; I began a new journey of taking a break from dating. I will not see the blessings God has for me if I continue to live in shame. Christ has given me peace, freedom and a joy that is truly found in Him. The journey of not dating has given me more confidence in my walk with Christ, and the ability to touch just one person through vulnerability is incredible. Those who have known me for years tell me that they have seen a change in me over the recent years. The truth is, I have seen a difference in my personality too! I have realized that I want to be a woman pursuing a relationship with Jesus rather than trying to be a perfect woman. I know that I will mess up, but I have a beautiful Savior!