Choice
I’ve treaded backwards now
the water- different somehow
the scenery untouched, unchanged
leaving a heart full of shame
My brain terribly confused
heart broken too
lies pounding
in
my
head
lies twisting truths.
Can’t catch a breath
thoughts- a tangled mess
some pieces slightly familiar
and others painfully fresh
Haven’t we dwelt here before
traveled this dark dull road
Lord, please show me
the weeds of control?
Am I clinging to life?
Fear surrendering every bit?
How deep are the roots?
How long must these hands dig?
Selfish pride
pushes me to complete the task on my own
reality forces me to discover
the inability to uproot the weeds alone.
Choosing to walk forward
unlearn years of habits and thoughts
the Spirit whispers, “freedom is worth it.”
the world screams, “but you’re not!”
I don’t want to quit
determination holds the fight
but with each battle won
it’s more difficult to choose wise
Thoughts rationalizing and convincing
performing behaviors deemed not good
continuing to choose what is easy
instead of doing what I know I should
That’s the trouble
I know better this time
faking a smile
can’t hide the turmoil inside
It’s a choice
each day I must choose…
pick the world
or pick You?