I’ve treaded backwards now

the water- different somehow

the scenery untouched, unchanged

leaving a heart full of shame

My brain terribly confused

heart broken too

lies pounding




lies twisting truths.

Can’t catch a breath

thoughts- a tangled mess

some pieces slightly familiar

and others painfully fresh

Haven’t we dwelt here before

traveled this dark dull road

Lord, please show me

the weeds of control?

Am I clinging to life?

Fear surrendering every bit?

How deep are the roots?

How long must these hands dig?

Selfish pride

pushes me to complete the task on my own

reality forces me to discover

the inability to uproot the weeds alone.

Choosing to walk forward

unlearn years of habits and thoughts

the Spirit whispers, “freedom is worth it.”

the world screams, “but you’re not!”

I don’t want to quit

determination holds the fight

but with each battle won

it’s more difficult to choose wise

Thoughts rationalizing and convincing

performing behaviors deemed not good

continuing to choose what is easy

instead of doing what I know I should

That’s the trouble

I know better this time

faking a smile

can’t hide the turmoil inside

It’s a choice

each day I must choose…

pick the world

or pick You?



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