Audrey


I grew up in a small town and a big family. The church building was my second home; we were there every time the doors were open. I was six years old when I accepted Christ. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting in my bed, my mom was tucking me in. "I wanna be bab-a-tized." I don't think I fully understood the effect those words would have on my family, as I was only six years old yearning for Christ. The night was full of conversations about God's love and tears of joy. That night, my mom led me in a prayer and I joyfully accepted Christ into my heart. Little did I know that at the early age of six He was beginning His work in me. For many years, I did nothing. Yes I was young, but I was at a stand-still in my faith. I was 12 years old, at a Bible Camp, when Christ became so real to me. The camp was five days long, and designed to draw students closer to Christ. I still remember the most powerful moments: worship. There were two thousand young people under one roof all praising the same God, all praying the same thing, and two thousand hearts all seeking the same answer. I remember one specific night, the message was about God's calling on your life. An answer that everyone of all ages longs for, especially young people. I remember being on my knees, in deep conversation with Christ, and for the first time in my life I heard His voice. So sweet and gentle, yet unlike anything I had ever heard. "Go." "Go where, God??? Tell me and I'll go." I remember being so excited telling all my friends, "He told me to be a missionary!!!" I was so excited. And for many years I believed that God was going to send me into the jungles of South Africa to talk about His love. But it wasn't until 3 years later, that God saved me from a situation full of destruction and devastation. I had lost my way and forgotten everything I knew. I felt trapped. I had neglected my faith and given physical things a foothold in my heart. The results of my decisions resulted in many nights with God praying for healing and direction for my life. It was then, dealing with all of my brokenness and confusion, that I understood I was not supposed to "Go" anywhere. The Lord was going to pick up all the pieces, pull me out of the grave I was digging for myself, and use me. And I was terrified. It was one of those nights, once again in deep conversation with God, that He said, "Now Go." And it was so clear. He wanted me to use my frustration and my anger and my brokenness, He wanted it.

I did not need to travel to the jungles of South Africa, or travel across the world to talk about God's love. I was supposed to "Go" here, home. God has called me to a life outside of what I was making for myself. He saved me from a situation of destruction and molded to be a vessel of grace and mercy. To relay to young girls everywhere that you are never too far gone. You can never "mess up" too much. His arms never close and His heart never stops loving.

Not only am I supposed to "Go," but I am also supposed to "Be." And it is all so clear now. I spent many nights angry and confused with God for my past, not understanding the purpose but now I get to take part in a Lane of Roses Bible Study every Tuesday night in my hometown, where I recently had the opportunity of sharing my story. The freedom and the feeling was indescribable. God does not waste any circumstance in life; and that is something I had a hard time understanding. My prayer for young girls everywhere is that they break out of the mold given to them by society. That they have no desire to be normal. That they would start living bold lives for Christ, rejoicing in His transformations and that they would develop spirits of expectation; because He is capable of amazing things. The Father is just that: a father. He loves like a parent because He is one. He molded us and crafted us with careful thought and beauty, and He looks at us through His lense of forgiveness.

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