Every story has a beginning. Every writer, every storyteller has that one defining moment of how it all began. For me, my beginning was at the age of twelve. This is my testimony of how Christ would later come into my life after nearly a lifetime of lies, deceit, destructive behavior and a soul-condemning desire to do what I pleased, whenever I pleased.
I was, in every sense of the word, captain of my own ship; no one could tell me what to do. Authority really didn’t matter much to me at the time. It truly does grieve me now as I look back on the years of pain I intentionally inflicted upon my parents. I say intentionally because, yes. At the time I didn’t care about my mother’s tears, as I stood there and told yet another lie about where I had been the night before. I didn’t care about the heavy weight of defeat my father carried as we had yet another conversation about my lack of interest in the family. Slamming the door became all too easy. Burying my hurt in endless notebooks became the answer. The music I listened to, the movies I watched, my seething anger against my birth mother….All of these outlets became my refuge. Rage and I? We were best friends.
Ironically though, I loved the idea of God. I loved the notion that Jesus cared enough about me to die on the cross and pay a penalty that I, myself, could never ever repay. Mind you, I was no stranger to the church scene. I knew about the Bible, and devotions and Christian music, and had even memorized John 3:16 as well as many other verses. I knew it was my duty to read the Bible every day and my parents were quite diligent in making sure I followed through with this. And I did. I loved the Bible. I loved the stories of Joseph and his brothers, as well as Ruth and Boaz. (What a love story! I mean, hey! When was I gonna meet a man like Boaz?) All of these stories intrigued me. I was in the youth group, and was involved with mission trips and lock ins. You get my drift.
But Jesus Christ, He was certainly NOT my King. He was not the Lord of my life. He was NOT my Prince of Peace, and I made no effort to allow Him full control of my world. The answer was no. Because it was easier to rebel with my best friend of eight years. It was easier to just throw on a pair of tattered skinny jeans, blast the rock music, and complain about how miserable life was. It was easier to shake my fist at the world and scream until I was blue in the face. Because wasn’t it the world’s fault, as well as God’s, that I had lost my job after only six months? Wasn’t it God’s fault the only thing I knew how to do well was run away from all my issues instead of dealing with them head on? It was easier to be a miserable soul. What a miserable soul I was, indeed!
It wasn’t until I turned twenty-two that I had finally hit rock bottom. The eight year friendship with my childhood best friend had fizzled; and my anger towards life in general had reached an all time high. I needed help. So in October of 2010 with the help of my mother and pastor, I finally surrendered my heart and life to Christ and got saved.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. - 2 Corinthians 5:17
The past six years walking as a new creature have certainly not been easy. Every single day I’m learning something new about the grace of Christ and choosing to trust in His Word alone. Putting to death the old habits has been difficult. But if we claim to love the light, we should act like it, and this is something I’m striving for! God has been so unbelievably patient and gracious with me as I grow in Him each day. He has opened many doors for me as a writer to share my story, and I am truly thankful to be an ambassador for Him.
I’d like to encourage all of you beautiful ladies today to talk to someone if you are struggling with doubts about salvation, if you have any questions about the Bible, or if you’re just having trouble dealing with life in general. The time for salvation is now! The time to get right with God is now! We’re not guaranteed another day. Surrender your life to Christ today and allow Him to use you. You won’t regret it!