The one recurring theme in my last couple years of college seemed to be disappointment. If I thought I was disappointed when the CATS lost to Wisconsin in the 2015 final four, I had no idea what frustration the next two years would hold. I put my hope in several guys who ended up leaving me high and dry. I turned to Jesus and His promises for the peace that surpasses understanding and the hope I desperately needed. Just when I felt myself drawing closer to God than ever before, my health began to fail. And then I was faced with the even more disappointing news that my parents were ending their marriage of almost 25 years.
I felt rejected, empty, unworthy, and just plain sad for a long time. But I also felt God’s presence more than ever before. So I began to seek truth, understanding, wisdom. Initially, I wanted peace and comfort. I needed the reassuring scriptures to even carry on. What I couldn’t see, however, was that God had so much to teach me and He would use this time to draw me closer to him, to challenge my faith, and to strengthen my heart. Although I have felt forgotten, numb, and confused at times, I have also felt extremely loved by and in love with Jesus. I have questioned and doubted, but I’ve also stood strong on God’s word and believed and trusted it more than ever.
This summer, as terrorist attacks and hate crimes took over the news and loneliness took over my heart, I truly believed there was no good left in the world. But my heart was soon softened as I began a new semester, started leading a group of high school girls at church, and found even greater appreciation for the path down which God was leading me. At times, I’ve been so frustrated with Him, while at others I’ve felt so content and so loved. But I’ve learned it really doesn’t matter how we feel. Disappointment will always exist in this broken world. God will always be there and he will always love us and he will always have our best interests at heart, even when it feels the opposite.
Trust His ways because they are so much higher and so much greater that there is no way you will ever understand them. Crack open the Bible. Seek Jesus first, in all things, and you will be rewarded. Ask for wisdom and discernment. Let him use your hurt, your disappointment. And live in the freedom Christ has won for you. We are no longer slaves to the world, our desires, our habits, fear, stress, disappointment, depression—none of it!
For freedom, Christ has set us free; stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. - Galatians 5:1
When guys let you down, when they decide you aren’t worth pursuing, when they choose someone or something else, know this: God pursues you, God chooses you, God gives you everything. Jesus gave up His life for you.
If you’re dealing with disappointment, I’m here to tell you that there is purpose in your pain. So keep on. Don’t lose heart. Be strong and courageous and run the race before you with endurance. In all things rejoice. Count it joy that you share in the sufferings of Christ. God is doing something great in you. He sees the big picture, while you just see this moment.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. - Psalm 51:8
Recently, I was a long way from home and a little bit lost. I was driving and admittedly sobbing over disappointment I felt so fully it made me want to throw up. But then Crowder’s How He Love Us came on my Spotify at the same time a semi-truck with the words ‘God is Good’ on the front passed me. I couldn’t help but smile through my tears. I was reminded that He is sovereign, He is in control, and He is present in my pain. He weeps with me. He loves us more than we can imagine. He is near to the broken-hearted. He blesses the poor in spirit. So if you’re lost and a long way from home, know that God meets you there. Put on some Crowder and give it all to God.