Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weakness, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
My story starts during my sophomore year of high school. I started to date this guy, and let me tell you he was PERFECT. He was on the football team, super popular, oh so handsome, and my family adored him. I was so excited to be in my first real relationship. Everything seemed to be great. I was going to his football games, he got me gifts, sent me sweet texts throughout the day, my heart could hardly stand it.
However, about a year into our relationship, these things began to change. He started to do things that really bothered me and that I knew weren’t okay. He became controlling and demanding, the sweet texts and gifts became less frequent and I was starting to be pushed away from him. He had control of my social media passwords, fighting became regular, and I was told he couldn’t trust me.
As a Christian, I started to pray for my relationship. But God didn’t fix it like I had wanted Him to. Instead, I heard the Lord tell me that I needed to get out of this relationship. I couldn’t face the reality of this heartache. Why would God take away someone that I loved so much? So instead of listening, I pushed that idea to the back of my mind and continued to live in this seemingly perfect relationship. Two more years went by and I was consumed. I now was consistently confusing the idea of love with control. Going into my freshman year of college, my life began to spiral out of control. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t in order to gain this love that I was so badly seeking, and let me tell you this was exhausting. All of my efforts seemed to be overlooked, which caused me to become angry towards not only him but everyone around me. I would spend some days just lying in bed waiting on a call or text that would never come. I became depressed. My friends and family all wanted me out of this relationship, but still my mind couldn’t wrap around the idea of that. It was an emptiness I had never felt before.
In April of 2017, I found myself lying in the floor of my dorm room completely devastated. The man I had sought after for so many years no longer wanted me. For someone who had become so dependent on him for my happiness, I had never felt such heartache before.
I found myself alone. For the first time in three years I was alone, and I was terrified. Something inside me changed that day. In the mess of tears and stress and fear, something inside of me became free. This is when I began to realize that the Lord had never left me. And although I wasn’t willing to listen, He was working in me.
God had to break me in order to work through me. He knew that my heart had to be changed from the inside out. Because of my brokenness and my pain, I have learned that God is good and His promises are so true. His plans for me surpass anything I could dream for myself. God was able to heal my heart and show me that I am worthy of His love and His grace daily. Through my story, I have learned how strong I am and how powerful my God is. I no longer search to find my identity through the approval and love that another person can give me, but rest in the fact that I am abundantly loved by my Creator.