The churches I grew up in often spoke of God’s consistency, a trait of His that never really appealed to me. I wanted an exciting life and equated consistency with stagnancy, which meant boredom. When I was six, I became a Christian and have known since about then that my calling is to be an actor. The idea of stagnancy, which directly contradicted what I perceived to be a life in the entertainment industry, repelled me.
After graduating from college with no set plan for my future, I felt God calling me to Los Angeles. I’d known that I would move there eventually, but had hoped to buy myself a few more years before taking the plunge. When that didn’t happen, I packed up, left almost everyone I knew, and moved across the country.
I imagined a picture of what my life would look like, including a day job, taking classes, and finding community. I essentially told God, “I’ll do this, but we’re doing it my way. I want to settle down and in a year or so I’ll figure out how to be an actor here.” Long story short, God said no. Through an encounter with a stranger in a coffee shop, He made it clear I was supposed to start acting now.
So after being told very distinctly what God wanted me to do, I ignored it and decided I liked my plan better. I continued to force my own path, leaving me feeling alone and miserable. All along He was whispering, “This isn’t what I want for you.” I felt stuck and held onto my firm belief that God had a plan for me, while continuing to overlook it.
Months later, I was burnt out attempting to put my life together on my own. I told God that I was ready to let go of control. Immediately, my life changed again. He started opening miraculous doors. I could go on for days with the specifics; but essentially all of the things I had wanted and been trying to work for, He gave to me with no effort on my part. I was working, meeting new people, and starting to feel like I really belonged.
Watching Him change my circumstances, I saw how massive God’s love is and understood the beauty of His consistency. Because of His incredible love, He created a perfect plan for my life. That plan is never going to change. He’s never going to give up on me. And the best part is that no screw up or stubbornness on my part can ever rewrite the ending of my story. Since I was six, my happy ending has been sealed with Him in Heaven for eternity. All of these ups and downs are just fillers and won’t even be a thought when I’m there with Him.
The life He has chosen for me is consistently inconsistent. It changes on an almost daily basis. But it doesn’t matter, because my Heavenly Father never will. In surrendering control, I found joy and freedom. Trusting Him has shown me that He will never put me out on a ledge to throw me off of it, at least not without Him catching me. The best thing I can do is to follow and listen, because He’s already got it all worked out.
If you’re a planner (or in my case an anxiety-driven control freak), know that it’s okay to let go. God’s got it so you don’t have to. I pray you, too, can find peace in our Father “…who doesn’t change like shifting shadows” (James 1:7) and celebrate in that truth. His love for you is constant and overwhelming He’s got amazing things planned for you to fulfill your dreams and purpose. All He asks is that you let go of your own. It’s worth it, He’s the better planner anyway.