There’s no better time for reflection than on the eve of a “Big Birthday." And so it happens that I have to share my story with Lane of Roses during my birthday month – double the reflection!
As the oldest of five children, we were raised by caring, hard-working parents in an average Christian home. We went to church and Sunday school and did all the “right” things.
Nineteen years ago, I married a Christian husband in a Christian church, where we still had to attend meetings with the reverend and work through a study guide before he would marry us. Honestly, I only touch that study guide now when I dust the bookshelf! As a couple we also went to church and Bible studies and did all the “right” things.
It was only recently though that my walk with Jesus really started. Two and a half years ago when I really hit rock bottom and, as the saying goes, discovered that Jesus truly is the rock at the bottom. After years of fertility issues and a failed IVF I was ready to let go of this world. I remember driving home from work one afternoon, and while I was driving I asked God that, if this is my life then please just let this bus hit me and kill me now.
Having to acknowledge that I was depressed because of my situation was one of the hardest things to do. In the eyes of the world Christians are meant to live a perfect life, to have faith and to accept their circumstances. I had to put up a brave face and congratulate other women on their pregnancies while everything inside me was dark and dying.
I crossed paths with a remarkable woman who, through a process of prayer and deliverance, helped me find my way back. I can only pray that one day God will allow me to be that person for someone else.
While this is not a story of how I came through my infertility battles it did play a big part in my freshly-discovered relationship with Jesus. It was during the waiting period that I discovered the power of a relationship with Jesus. What it means to have relationship vs. religion.
But those who wait for the Lord (who expect, look for and hope in Him) will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings (and rise close to God) like eagles (rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.
- Isaiah 40 : 31 (Amplified Bible)
On Christmas day 2016 I did a pregnancy test and the tears welled up when I showed my husband the two blue stripes. We didn’t want to get too excited at first, but this time I knew it was the real deal. We were in awe, that God would grant us our miracle on the day that we celebrated the birth of His son, Jesus.
So now I’m a forty-year-old mother of an eight month old miracle-daughter whose life sometimes gets so busy that my best effort at prayer is a brief, tired whisper, “Lord take care of my husband and my child please, and keep my family safe” before I fall asleep.
God is moulding me every day; He took away the things that He didn’t want me to be and He is replacing it with newness.
I am growing, I’m being renewed, and I’m looking forward to what God is going to teach me through Lane of Roses.