Growing up I thought I knew God. What I found out was that I knew “about” Him but I didn’t know Him personally. Just like knowing who celebrities are but not knowing them personally. I was at a low point in my life. I was living the life of wife and mother of three. My father-in-law became sick and passed in May 2009. It left my husband and I in a dark place. I had already been searching for God but in the wrong places. I was derailed by “New Age” spirituality. I knew I was in hell at the time. I prayed for God to show me the way out of this “long, dark tunnel.” I would see glimmers of light but they would soon fade as fast as they came.
I ended up at my mom’s house four hours away. I was confused, paralyzed in my thinking and all I saw for my future was blackness. In this state of being I felt the most lonely I ever felt in my life. I stayed there for three months. I eventually went to visit my sister, who already knew Jesus. I felt God’s presence in her house. I realized I needed to focus on God. I felt God nudging me to go home to my family. When I got home I realized the “old me” was dead, meaning my old mindset. I also knew I didn’t deserve anything I had. My husband, kids, home, car. This led me to want to open my Bible that my sister had given me a few years earlier. It was a Joyce Meyer Everyday Bible. In this Bible, Joyce takes scripture and turns it into affirmations to say over your life. I began doing this and felt my mind begin to change. My perspective was changing about my life and it caused me to want to know more about Jesus.
I searched for Him by watching The Gospel Of John on my laptop computer. When He spoke, it was like He was speaking to me personally. For the first time in my life I felt Jesus talking to me! I had a desire to follow Him and wanted to know how. In the movie He said, “You didn’t choose Me, I chose you.” I was blown away! I fell in love with Him and asked for forgiveness. In that moment I felt His presence in the room and I knew He is alive!
It has been eight years ago since I met Jesus. Having Him in my life has given me meaning and purpose. I realize that my life is not my own, it’s a gift from God. What I do with my life is my gift back to Him. Following Jesus is an adventure by surrendering everything to Him. Day by day, each step I take, I’m growing and getting closer to becoming like Jesus. I know it’s an ongoing process, but He is with me. My relationship with Jesus has given me hope, love, and a future!
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