My entire life, I’ve always known Jesus. My mom has been the greatest role model and mentor in Christ I could’ve ever asked for. I can remember when I was 9 years old and the pastor ended his sermon with, “Who in here needs to be saved today? Rise up!” My mom looked over and me and smiled. I stood up and received the prayer, unsure of what it really meant. I knew my life was forever changed, but it wasn’t until I was in high school when I first felt the power of Christ.
I was almost finished with high school and my life wasn’t what I thought it would be. I was in an abusive relationship, getting picked on at school, losing friends left and right, and was in a place of loneliness. I was so desperate to be accepted, loved, and cared for - I felt as if I had no one. Until one day, things just became too much for me. It was the day I wanted to take my life. I had this whole plan in my head of how I would do it. I even thought about the letter I would write to my mom. I had never felt more alone than in that hour.
Until I felt my soul say, “Stop, my Daughter.” I felt something deep inside of me that made my stomach drop. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me for the first time in my life. I decided to go to church that night instead of going through with my plan. God saved me that night. My mom has always taught me about Christ and instilled His word in me, but I never knew what it felt like to experience His presence for myself until that night. I listened to Him and I fell to my knees in prayer… Tears pouring. I just cried out to him - He heard my cry and He rescued me. Isn’t it incredible how faithful and loving our God is?
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18
As the years passed, my relationship with God continued to grow and evolve. I started going to small groups for teens battling depression and anxiety and I got baptized. I started learning about God’s word, how He feels about His children, what He wants for my life. Entering college was another point in my life where my strength in Him grew deeper. College is one of those times in your life where your identity is truly shaken. You have this newfound freedom - it’s easy to turn the wrong way without anyone knowing, without even realizing how you ended up there.
But, college for me is where I finally understood what it felt like to depend on Him on my own and lead others to Him too. God started putting something deep in my heart to start spreading His word to other women. I started leading Bible studies for those looking to find hope. It not only helped them, but it helped me. I got to communicate with people the deep hurts I was feeling inside, the confusions I had, the worries from my past… And I got to relate it to someone who’s experiencing the same thing. We all are guilty of putting on a mask and hiding what’s really hurting inside us, but in the Bible studies I got to lead - we took off those masks. We let God be God and do incredible work. He was working within us!
For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. - Philippians 2:13
The Lord has been so faithful to me ever since I’ve given my all to Him. I learned that I don’t need to find acceptance and love anywhere else, but through Him. His love is so abundant and His mercy is endless. Where ever you find yourself today, know that God is with you and He loves you! Even in the darkest place - light can be found.
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. - Psalm. 36:5