This year sees our twentieth wedding anniversary, and still we don’t have all the answers!
But 18 years from now our baby girl is going to have questions about relationships and marriage, so I’ve enrolled the help of some of my friends to list some frequently asked questions about marriage:
1. How do you know if he’s “the one”?
No, it is not in his kiss.
There’s this beautiful meme doing the rounds on social media that says: “Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say that’s her.“
My darling daughter, I would love for you to marry a man of God one day. But there’s one thing that you will have to understand. A man of God will love God more than he loves you. A man of God won’t just quote Scripture, he will live Scripture. He will be the church, not just go to church to please you.
But God might decide to send you someone else instead. Pray about it. Pray and fast and pray again. Wait for God’s answer before you say yes. And ponder these following questions:
2. How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways …
Love each other as I have loved you. - John 15:12
In John 15, Jesus gives us a commandment: "This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15:12-13)
Even though Jesus is in conversation with His disciples, this is also relevant to marriage. You will probably never have to decide to lay down your physical life for your spouse – although that does happen. But are you willing to lay down your needs and desires in favor of your spouse? Jesus desired to be spared a horrible death, yet He was willing to do whatever God needed from Him and put us before all else.
3. Who gets priority?
The first two chapters of the Bible explain the order in which God created everything. First there was God, then He created Adam and decided that Adam needs a companion.
That resembles a trinity: God at the top of the triangle with husband and wife next to each other in partnership. If that triangle is turned upside, we lose our balance.
4. What does it mean to be submissive?
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. - Ephesians 5:21
Submitting to one another is a form of worship. We are doing it for Christ, not for our own egos.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
- Ephesians 5:22-24
These verses are so often being misquoted and misunderstood. This doesn’t mean that we are slaves. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a strong personality and certain skill sets.
Paul is comparing marriage to the relationship that Christ has with His church. And he’s comparing the love a husband should have for his wife to the love that Christ bears for the church.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
- Ephesians 5: 25-28
Submission is choosing to be committed to someone and to work together towards a common goal. It’s a choice you make, not out of fear but out of love for your husband and for Christ.
Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8
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