My pictures tell a story
Not just of where I’ve been
But also where I’m headed
I need that to be seen
Not for me to get any glory
Not for me to get the praise
But for Him and Him only
My battle cry shall raise
The cry of mourning to dancing
The cry of heartache to peace
The cry of silence to laughing
A cry for strength to increase
So while I sit a little longer
In a season full of fear
I will embrace this stony pathway
And to His promise I hold dear
I’m currently walking through a season of unemployment because of mental health. I had to leave my job because my health had to take priority. The decision of leaving was both the hardest and easiest decision of my life. I was so at peace, yet so afraid of the unknown.
This hard, scary road of uncertainty has bogged me down more times than I ought to count - yet the grace of God is always sufficient. Always bountiful. Always so freeing.
I have seen the hand of God in a financial way move so fiercely and promptly over this season. He has allowed me to host 3 Instagram gatherings over the last few months and time and time again He has provided and made a way. And the blessing in disguise? I wouldn’t be able to do these gatherings in the way I do if I was working. A season of fruitful barrenness.
Through this last year and a half, I can truly say that my Heavenly Father is my best friend. I sometimes feel that He is literally walking beside me, His presence is that tangible and real. If this season meant that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living every single day, then I would go through it all over and over again.
This journey has influenced my life in 3 ways.
1. I have been able to pour a lot into my Instagram account over the last few months that I know I couldn’t have done had I not been in this season of rest and being at home every day. I know that some days I have to take a step back, as I have learnt that pouring into myself and God’s truths is vital if I want to pour out, but the opportunities and friendships I have made on a little app have been life changing!
2. Crying and talking are two of the most healing processes that we can ever go through. Having the opportunity to go to a counselor and be open and honest has given me a lot of freedom. And now, I can use the advice given to me by these health professionals and put it into practice on a daily basis.
3. I am the closest to God that I have ever been. His life and love are what get me through every day. His new and gracious mercies are my spiritual medicine, and even on the days where praying and reading Scripture are just too hard, He draws so near. Worship music has become my best friend! The words from Bethel’s new album have been deeply encouraging:
So, this is my current season and I’m learning to be okay with that.
I’m learning to be okay with rest.
I’m learning to be okay with the unknowns.
I’m learning to be okay with letting God be God, and letting go of what I think I need.
He truly is a good, good Father.
My needs are important to Him.
My tears are a language that He understands.
We commune and have fellowship together, because I always need to feel Him close.
And in this season, He has never faltered or failed.
I am forever held by Him.
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