Yet you, Lord, are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
- Isaiah 64:8
For as long as I can remember, I have always cared a lot...about everything. I don’t hide how I feel and what I feel, I feel intensely. If you’ve made my day, I’ll tell you. If you’ve hurt me, I’ll tell you. If I am sad, there’s a good chance I’ll start crying in front of you. I have always had an incredibly hard time concealing my emotions.
It’s not just my own emotions that I feel so extremely; it’s others’ too. When the Lord was making me He tossed in a little extra empathy into my soul and because of that I have to distance myself from emotional things, like movies. Yup, movies; it’s why I love spoilers. I need to know how it ends so I am able to prepare myself. If a character dies and I am not prepared for it, I will cry and grieve for at least a week after watching it. It doesn’t just happen with movies either; I remember one time in high school I broke out into hives because I listened to an emotional musical soundtrack. I just could not separate myself from what the characters were experiencing.
It used to be that me emotions would control me.
However, as I have grown I have learned to manage them, but I still remain an incredibly sensitive person. At least, that’s what others call me. Yet, it never sounds like a compliment. When someone tells me I am sensitive, I often hear them calling me annoyingly over emotional. Except, that is what I am: sensitive.
I have struggled with this for a long time because I didn’t want to feel as much I as have always felt. I didn’t want to care more. My confidence was constantly being hurt by thinking that I wasn’t good enough for people because they didn’t love me like I loved them. I would work endlessly to try to earn the affection of others and end up hurt when my efforts failed. Though, through the past year and a half of being a Christian, I realized that my purpose is to love others without the purpose of getting them to love me back. It isn’t my job to decide if someone is deserving of my love, because we are supposed to love others as Jesus loves us...and that love is so undeserving.
When the Lord was molding me, He made me to love and care deeply for others. That is not a bad thing. Even if the world tells me that it makes me weak, I can rest easy knowing that that is a lie. Loving others unconditionally is one of the strongest things you can do and it is what we are called to do. If someone angers you, love them. If someone hurts you, love them. Through being a witness to others of Jesus’s love, we can grow and glorify His kingdom. Everyone is desperate for the love of Jesus, even if they do not know it. If we can show others even a small fraction of that love, it can help them come closer to knowing the Lord. He made me the way I am on purpose with purpose. Therefore, I will love others without shame because I know that is what He has called me to do.
1. What does God say about what the world has made you dislike about yourself?
2. How can you use the gifts He has given you to further grow His kingdom?
Lord, thank You for making me with purpose. You do not make mistakes, Lord, and I know that You have a plan for me. I ask that You help me use who I am to bring others to know You and Your love. I love You.
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