I graduated college and instead of feeling accomplished and excited for a new chapter, I was dealing with depression and confusion about where my life was going next. For the past several months, God has been teaching me patience - a virtue that is truly changing my life.
Several aspects of my life have changed drastically this year, and it was leading me down a frightening path. I was a planner, and I yearned for an advance on my life story. I told myself that this meant I was thinking responsibly and just being mature, but I was really just relying on myself and not trusting God. I was living impatiently.
So why would I fear the future? For Your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life. - Psalm 23:6 (TPT)
What’s wrong with impatience? Impatience bred negativity and anxiety, to myself and those around me. It prevented me from enjoying this stage of my life, because I wasn’t giving myself the time and space to figure out where God was calling me next. I didn’t trust that God had a plan for me.
At the start of 2019, I told myself that things had to change. I couldn’t keep living like that, or I was never going to find fulfillment. Everything felt dull, and I craved vibrancy. I took a good look at the parts of my life I’d forgotten. I threw my time and attention in other directions during my late college years, and I realized I’d let one imperative feature slip: my faith.
So I prayed for healing, for comfort, for guidance in this season of waiting. Spending desperate hours with God led me continuously back to learning patience. It’s as simple as remaining calm in traffic and as complicated as trying to figure out what career path I should follow. It’s small things, like anticipating Wi-Fi connection, and huge things, like expecting people to trust you. Waiting... I always dreaded it. But now, the more God points it out to me and sees me through it, I’m learning that these small moments and endless seasons of not having it all figured out are filled with purpose and allow us to get excited about what God’s plan is for our - life because it’s going to be so much better than any plan that we could ever fathom!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11
Recently I spent a morning in prayer, while trying to prepare for a tough day ahead. I felt God calling me to trust Him a little extra. I got bad news that day, but it turned out to be a blessing that I did not expect. It had a lot to do with what my future would look like, and I was reminded again that God had other plans for me. It didn’t mean I failed, it didn’t mean I wasn’t good enough, and it didn’t mean that I’m not going to figure things out. God already knows my life story, and because of that, I get to live with hope, joy, and peace, because I choose to trust in His perfect plan and not rely on my ability to forge my own.
Three days after I got that reminder, I dedicated my life to Christ. The burdens I carried have been lifted, and I get to breathe a little deeper because I know that the fears of my past are behind me and God’s plan is ahead of me. It’s worth being patient for!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13
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