Beautifully Broken, Wholly Renewed.
Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a situation that you will never get out of? Has this circumstance stolen your joy, peace of mind, and made you feel broken and defeated? This was me one year ago. The perfect life that I tried to form for myself was shattered into pieces. My story is one of redemption, and I hope it can remind you we are all perfectly-imperfect and that’s okay.
Two years ago, I was in a relationship that I thought was “God-given.” Have you ever met a person who meets all the little check boxes of who you want in a partner? When I met my ex and thought I had found the one, I was told everything I wanted to hear and was married based off of another’s words rather than what their actions were proving to me. I was naïve and fell in love with the “thought of love.” It was soon into my marriage that the man who said He loved Christ, and promised to love me also, never followed through with those promises. God was not being honored in my marriage and my life became one of emotional abuse. I was broken, lonely, and so imperfect. I was made to feel that God couldn’t love someone like me. I was trapped in a relationship that took everything out of me. Took away all my self-worth. I felt unworthy and believed I wasn’t truly loved by God.
During this time of brokenness, I became pregnant and gave birth to my little girl, who I will forever say God used to rescue me. When she was two months old, I chose to leave. I chose to escape a relationship that emotionally and mentally abused me and made me feel meaningless in this world. This was the hardest choice I had ever had to make. “Divorced? What? Me? How?” All these things raced through my head. I felt like a failure. Like I was a defeated vessel that was overused, confused, and exhausted. I feared disgrace was soon to be shown upon my face because of the choice I had made, but want to know what is so beautiful about the God we serve? HE NEVER GIVES UP ON YOU OR ME. At my lowest point, God was still there and each day he began to piece back together my heart.
Has something ever happened in your life that you feel is unforgivable by God? I felt this way. How could God love someone so imperfect as me? A divorced Christian, someone I never thought I would be. I focused on all the wrong things rather than realizing what God says about me. We can be FORGIVEN despite our mistakes (Psalm 103:12) and we are CREATED FOR A PURPOSE (Jeremiah 29:11).
I prayed for healing and forgiveness, and God moved the moment I wept before Him. I truly believe He protected me from a life of misery and a life that was not glorifying to Him. He was in it when I requested Him to remove all in my life that was not of His plan, and he can do the same for you. My relationship was not glorifying to Him and He knew that. I now look at the godly husband that I prayed for and see what God has restored.
It gives me joy to know that God can take our brokenness and wholly renew us through Him. I look at my relationship I have with the Lord with thankfulness because of everything I went through, and He can do the same for you. If you are facing a situation that seems impossible for you to make it through, I don’t have the magical solution for you, but I can promise you that the answer is JESUS. Every. Single. Time. Don’t allow the devil to use your imperfections to keep you from feeling worthy of the JOY that you can find in Christ. You’re PERFECTLY-IMPERFECT despite your flaws and mess-ups in life. Choose to live in that freedom. I’m not perfect, my life is not perfect, but I hope I can be even just a small light in this world. Today I am thankful for Jesus. I am thankful for my past, and I hope my story can encourage you to keep pushing forward. I promise you your brokenness is not wasted and God can make you whole again.
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
-1 Peter 5:10 NIV
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