I never know where to start when talking about myself. My mind moves so fast and my hands can’t type fast enough to get it all in. So I will try to gather as much of my words that I can and see where it goes.
To start, I was raised in a Christian home so I’ve always in some way known of God, just not necessarily in a personal way. I am now sure that growing up there were times where God was with me, but at the time I probably would have had absolutely no idea it was God.
Growing up I was in Sunday school and summer camps, and would occasionally go to church retreats or worship nights. During these days or summer weeks, I would begin to seek after God for a moment, read my Bible, or do whatever else that would bring but only for a moment then I would be right back in the same position I was in.
That all led into a confused brain about the importance of Jesus. I wanted to read the Bible, but it made no sense to me. Why was a donkey talking? Why did 12 people drop everything they had and follow a dude named Jesus? Why were there so many wars and people dying? It just made no sense to me. So, there were some days I would sit and read a chapter or two, but if I did it would most likely be something well-known like John 3:16 or Jeremiah 29:11 or just flip to a random page, read it, and then call it a day.
So yeah, there were some moments I would pursue God, but most of the time it was a pretty one-way relationship, like me having problems with people around me and I didn’t know who else to talk to. I would also talk to Him when I didn’t study for a test and I needed to pass. He did show up; I just was so focused on myself I didn’t even notice.
In my high school years, I didn’t have many Christian friends or people influencing me so pursuing God wasn’t my first priority. I started caring more about what people thought of me and therefore had no self-love or respect for myself. I dealt a lot with self-hate and struggled with my identity.
Boys became a big thing. I started to put my identity into the “guy I was talking to” making my life revolve around having a boy, impressing a boy, finding out what love really is.
In grade 12 I met a guy that was actually interested in me. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend. He wasn’t a Christian so the relationship from the beginning was a lot of compromise. I let myself go. My identity was him and him alone. It made me shut down and if anyone asked me anything about myself, I had no idea what to say.
After about 9 months of dating I could see it wasn’t a healthy relationship and I wanted out but I had no idea how. I ended up looking at programs or things that I could do to travel, aka run away for a while.
Australia was one of the places I always dreamed of going, I remembered a friend who went to Bible school in Australia (YWAM) and it seemed kind of interesting. My brother did one in Norway a couple years before, and he seemed to really like it so I said YOLO and applied.
Then a couple weeks later I got an acceptance letter and I had the opportunity to go to Australia. That week I told my boyfriend and he didn’t like the idea and he broke up with me.
It was honestly an extremely easy breakup. He left my house, I sent him one text, and we never talked again.
But a couple weeks after the breakup, I think I was in shock. I had no idea what to do so I started going out and drinking with friends and also going on dating sites just to talk to guys. I was missing the attention. And of course, all this was after I found out I was going to do a Bible school in Australia.
In October 2017, I got on a plane and headed to the other side of the world. I thought I was going to be the only one not on fire for God, but I quickly came to the realization that would become quite the opposite.
I met God that first week and He showed me real love - one that I had no idea existed. I had no idea what life with Jesus actually looked like and how much better it was than it looked. I was completely changed. I realized there was so much more than what I was living for. I had a 180 shift in who I was. Now I have been on fire for Jesus for 2 years, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
It’s definitely not an easy life, but knowing Jesus has given me a new perspective on life. Every day is a new adventure. God has taken me across the world for His glory and that’s all I want to live for.
I’m now a full-time missionary, learning more every day. Understanding real love, and having the most confidence that I’ve ever had before because my confidence is in Him.
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