Written by: Alaina Arnold
A relationship with God was always something I thought was too good or too big for me. Further, something I could never begin to understand or be a part of because I was not worthy or deserving.
What I didn’t know, though, is that the Lord was already holding me, just waiting for me to turn and look at Him and say, “Ok Lord have your way.” In high school I tried desperately to fit in, in many ways, but it was never enough in my eyes. I still felt lonely and that I wasn’t enough for someone, or really anyone.
Entering into college I told myself I could continue to live that way, or I could find a place and friends that accepted me for who I truly was inside, not on the outside. Very quickly I came to find those people, but much more importantly I found the Lord. I found that I didn’t have to try to prove myself to Him, to be enough for Him, or to change to be something else for Him. It’s truthfully the most freeing feeling dropping those chains and walking away free into the arms of the Lord.
My college years were challenging and at times uneventful. I fell into a misconception that if you walk with the Lord it will be easy and simple. Additionally, a misconception that if it keeps getting harder, that means He doesn’t love you. Again, something that I gained a lot of freedom from when I seriously talked to God and He still stood there and said “Child, I am only just beginning my work in you.” It’s a beautiful picture that is seen in Luke 1. The angel Gabriel was someone very purposefully used to bring the news of Jesus. First, to Zechariah who chose not to believe the power of the Lord to bless him with a child at his age. Second, to Mary who chose to say, “okay Lord, use me as your servant” and believed in the power of God.
Leaving college, I decided it was time to change again and to stop half-serving the Lord... to stop only talking with Him when things got hard and feeling like I was okay on my own when things were going well. I try everyday to choose to be Mary from Luke 1. The Lord did not give Mary the gift of being the mother to Jesus because she did a miraculous thing or because she was perfect and put together. He chose Mary because she was the opposite, someone completely unprepared to bring Him, or any child for that matter into the world. She was new at being a mom.
The Lord is not here to be with the perfect and put together, He is here to carry the broken.
There are so many beautiful stories like that in the Bible. As I have begun reading through them, it has been so eye opening and a perfect picture of all that He has for me. He can move the biggest of mountains, but He is not required to move them in a day, a month, a year, or even a decade. He will move them as He deems necessary and for your good.
I am choosing to sit here, read and fall in love with the story He gives me, and allow Him to move the mountains in my life without me attempting to climb them on my own first.
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