• Lane of Roses


Written by: Bethany Lee

Sometimes I wonder if I can go on, as I try desperately to live as a genuine child of God. I know we all struggle with feelings like this, and it has been a major battle recently as I just lost my best friend back in November 2019. My mom passed away from the awful disease, cancer, that she battled for almost two years. I know that God allowed it, and He has a purpose, but since then, I’ve fallen into the darkest moments of my life that I never imagined I would.

As children of God, we will suffer, but God says it’s for His sake, as we are trusted with the trials that we face to bring glory to Him. Philippians 1:29 says, “For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;” and 1 Peter 4:16 says, “Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.” I struggle to see how I’m supposed to glorify God in my suffering, but as Christians we are to glorify God in everything.

I’ve had my share of moments questioning why and I’ve had my share of moments wishing I was with my mom in Heaven, but I must believe that God left me here on this Earth for a reason even though what I’m going through right now is deeply painful. In spite of the pain, I try to think of the sweet memories that I have of my mom instead of the recent terror that I had to see her go through.

My mom was one of the most influential people in my life, and she still is. What a woman of faith, courage, trust, love, service, and compassion—a Godly woman that I will always strive to be like.

Sometimes I get discouraged as I think to myself, how did she do it? How was she such an amazing mother, wife, daughter, Mia (grandmother), and friend? Growing up, I always thought that my mom was super mom (well, she was)—that it was just amazing to see all that she could do and all that she accomplished. But God reminds me through the story of my mother that she just did her best, as she desired to be more and more like Christ. She made mistakes, she had struggles, and she had times of failure just like all of us. I understand that my mom was an imperfect child of God, but yet, there’s no doubt that she had a close walk with God because she simply tried her best as she chose to give it all to Him out of her deep love for Him.

With that word “tried” in mind, I think of how I try to practice my cooking skills. I have recently been flipping through my mom’s cookbooks, as I’ve come across several papers and notes written in her familiar handwriting. She wrote over and over again, “Try new things in the kitchen and have fun,” and notes like, “Today’s try…try this next time.” The word that continues to stand out is “try”; my mom left a powerful message for me and my family without realizing it. I need to try just like she did. Try in my relationship with God, with others, in circumstances out of my control, and yes, even with cooking. Life is all about trying, just giving our best for God’s glory.

My mom wasn’t perfect, despite the times I thought she was, but she did have a fighting spirit of trying her best and never giving up. That’s what I need to remember as I wake up to each new day that God gives me. Am I really trying my best? Am I doing everything unto God’s glory? Am I really putting Him first? I know my mom did, and as she went through the nasty ups and downs of this disease, she gave it all to God and she tried her best. She never ever stopped until she succeeded, accomplishing something for the Lord no matter how small it would seem. That’s all God asks of His children, and I pray that He’ll help me to have the strength to go on, as I try and give Him my best each day for His glory.



#evenmore #bethanylee #expectations #faithfulness #hope


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