Written by: Grace Moore
I recently finished my first semester at West Virginia University. Being at college has been a wonderful experience, but these last few months have been the hardest months of my life. Transitioning from high school into college wasn’t as hard as I expected it to be. God blessed me with a great group of friends through a campus ministry which helped me love my first semester. Going into college, however, I had a lot of plans for my future and over the course of just one semester, I saw God wreck them all.
I came into college with a boyfriend who I had been dating for two and a half years. We planned to go long distance and make things work, but God had other plans. I wanted to marry this boy. He was my best friend and my first love. Our relationship, however, was not God-centered. I reasoned that because we were both believers, God was automatically a part of our relationship. Unfortunately, without intentional effort to put God first, He wasn’t glorified in our relationship. I was always a girl who claimed to want to glorify Christ and surrender everything to Him, but I struggled to trust Him with my relationship.
When I first started dating this boy, I was 15 years old. At that time, the standards I had for a Godly relationship were pretty juvenile, but good enough. As the relationship went on, however, I began to grow up. I grew in my personal relationship with God and started to think more maturely about what a Godly relationship should look like when headed toward marriage. I say this at the risk of sounding prideful, but since I started being intentional about walking with the Lord, I have rarely missed a day spending time with God in prayer and in His Word.
In my personal life, I was trying to live for God, but I struggled with letting God into my relationship. I am not trying to bash him because I know a lot of people struggle with this, but my boyfriend really struggled with making time for God, and I knew that a guy who wasn’t committed to his relationship with God wasn’t a guy who could be a spiritual leader in marriage. Unfortunately, because of my pride and need for control, I reasoned that I didn’t need to have a leader as a (future) husband because I could just be my own.
I knew I needed to let God into my relationship, but I also sensed that once I did, He would take it away because our relationship wasn’t leading toward a God-centered life, let alone a God-centered marriage. It wasn’t until leaving for college that I really started to wrestle with God about my relationship.
Soon after starting my first semester, I started to feel like parts of my life were falling apart and I was trying to hold it all together on my own. I realized that God was allowing all of these things to crumble in order to show me areas that I hadn’t surrendered to Him. I noticed that I had a lot of plans for my life that I never gave to God. I felt ashamed that I had been holding on to these things for so long and I knew that I needed to give them up in order to truly live for God.
God was gracious and helped me surrender. He showed me how to let go of my control and He held my hand to walk me through the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do… end my relationship.
I am not going to say that breaking up with my boyfriend and letting go of my plans was easy. It wasn’t. Watching myself throw away plans and give up something that I loved hurt. God is worth it, though. Trusting God with every part of my life is difficult sometimes and I had to see Him take away things I thought were good for me, but God knows what’s best. God has shown me that I can step aside and let Him lead me because He loves me and has a perfect plan for me.
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