Written by: Kelli Anneken
"You can have joy in the midst of sorrow."
This is something that I have learned over this past year. This year has been full of pain and heartache for my husband and I, but it has been wrapped in joy and love at the same time. The joy that we have experienced through the pain is truly only possible because of Christ and the hope we have in Him.
In August of 2019, I was 35 weeks pregnant with our first baby. My husband and I were so excited to be parents and to bring a sweet child into this world. However, this day, this week, has changed our life forever. At 35 weeks pregnant, I went into my OB appointment to find out that my baby's heart had stopped beating. This moment was full of so much shock and sadness, no one should have to experience something so devastating like this.
The next few days were tough. I had to go through the entire delivery process like any other momma would go through - from getting induced to an epidural to pushing my baby out. I experienced it all. The only difference was the outcome. Our baby would be stillborn. On August 10, 2019 I delivered my daughter, Adaline Grace Anneken - she was 2lbs 10oz of pure cuteness. This day was the hardest but most amazing day of my life. My heart was so broken because my baby wasn't with me in spirit, but the Lord was. He met us where we were at. He comforted us in ways that don't actually make sense. The Lord made it possible to have great joy and deep love on this devastating day in our life.
This has been a hard road to walk and we are still facing struggles and hardships from these moments, but God hasn't left our family. He has been so present during this season of pain and suffering. We do not feel alone. I am so thankful for Jesus and what He did for us on the cross. Because of the cross, we have a hope that can only come from Him and that is something that I am so thankful for. Adaline isn't dead, her story doesn't end here. She is even more alive now than she would ever be on this side of Heaven. Because of the cross, I never have to question where my daughter is. She is in the presence of Christ and that brings my heart so much joy and hope for what is to come.
Infant loss is something that I never thought I would actually experience, but it has changed my perspective on life. God has used this pain in my life to draw my husband and I closer to Him. We know that everything we have gone through, all the pain and heartache, will be used for God's glory. This is His story and we trust and know that He will bring His goodness out of all the pain and ashes. He is making all things new.
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