• Lane of Roses

Sarah

Written by: Sarah Halsey



I grew up in church. Every Sunday morning. Every Wednesday night. Church potlucks. Whenever the church doors were open, we were there. For most of my childhood, I knew all about Jesus. I just didn’t know Him personally. I had a really hard time trusting God.

This was partially because things were not great at home. My parents spent all of my young life fighting with each other. In the first grade, my parents got divorced. Although I was young, I saw it coming. My parents’ relationship confused me from a very early age because what I was taught about God was not practically true in my life. I didn’t know how to reconcile Biblical truths and my life experiences.


The older I got, the more I began to understand things that were wrong in my family. By middle school, I was having serious doubts about God. I was having a hard time believing He was even real, much less that He loved me because of what was happening in my family.


Through all of this, my family still went to church multiple times a week. I didn’t tell anyone at church or in my family about my doubts because I didn’t want to make the situation harder on anyone than it already was. As a result, I ended up feeling even more confused about who I was because I felt fake everywhere I went. No one knew the real me.


One random Sunday in eighth grade, we sang the song “Always” by Kristian Stanfill in student ministry. The song talked about how God is our help in time of need. It talked about how we can run to God and how He is a Father to us. I was at a point in my life where I could not carry the weight I had been for so long anymore. The pain I was in was crushing. I knew I needed healing. I knew I could not go one more day without Jesus. I needed Him desperately. I knew He loved me. I had heard the message of that song a million times growing up in church, but that was the first time I really believed it for myself. I gave my life to Jesus that day and have never been the same.


Jesus Himself is the treasure of our faith. It is a joy to know Him. Now that I know Jesus, I have a hope that wasn’t there before. Jesus is a healer. I live with confidence that He is good and that He loves me. I have never known a love like this. He is good when nothing else is. He is faithful. It’s who He is. He can’t be anything but good. I now know who I am in Him. I am a child of God. He calls me “Daughter.” He sees me and He knows me. I am a treasure to Him. I am not forgotten. I am not abandoned. He has been with me through everything, and He has never left me to fend for myself.


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