• Lane of Roses

The Gospel According to... Gilmore Girls

Written by: Abby Gannon


[Lorelai is sitting at a table in Luke’s cafe. Rory comes in and sits down beside her.]


Lorelai: Rory, thank God you’re here! Look, it's about to snow.


Rory: Mom, I don’t think so.


Lorelai: You would doubt your mother! I can smell it! Ugh, I just love this time of year… caroling and snow and scarves and…


Luke: Coffee?


Lorelai: Ah, my hero! Fill her up Luke!


[Lorelai pushes the coffee cup towards Luke]


Rory: Hey Luke, what’s your favorite thing about this time of year?


Luke: About what time of year? Oh yeah, Christmas… eh I don’t really do anything special.


Lorelai: Well, bah humbug, somebody’s a little Scrooge!


Rory: Yeah Luke, don’t you like Christmas?


Luke: Christmas is just commercial America’s way of jacking up the prices at the supermarket. I don’t understand why everyone gets all hyped up about Christmas. It’s just kids singing songs at random times for absolutely no reason and getting pelted in the face with snowballs and a bunch of people going around talking about a baby born thousands of years ago.


Rory: Wow, what’d Christmas do to you?


Luke: Nothing, nothing. Look, do you want coffee or not?


Rory: Yes, please.


Lorelai: It’s all I want for Christmas, Santa!


[Luke grumbles and pours coffee and then walks back behind the counter.]


Lorelai: Hey, do you know what Reverend Skinner was telling me the other day?


Rory: That he wants to have a church event at the Inn again?


Lorelai: No, well yes, but before that?


Rory: What?


Lorelai: He said that there’s more to the Christmas Story, you know the one they always read to us at the Christmas service?


Rory: Oh yeah?


Lorelai: Yeah, that actually that story is really just the promise kept from another story.


Rory: Well who made the promise?


Lorelai: God.


Rory: Like - big man upstairs, creator of all Heaven and Earth God?


Lorelai: Yeah, that’s the one. Apparently when He made the Earth everything was perfect. And then the two first people…


Rory: Adam and Eve?


Lorelai: Yeah, Adam and Eve. They broke it.


Rory: Mom, I don’t think they broke the world. That’s like saying that Grandma broke the internet.


Lorelai: No they broke it - and it wasn’t perfect anymore.


Rory: Okay, so they broke the world…


Lorelai: Yeah, and then they couldn’t walk with God anymore… and that’s when they realized they were naked. And apparently we do that too!


Rory: We break the world too? Or we don’t know we’re naked? Because I’m pretty sure I have clothes on, but I can’t always say the same for Kirk.


[Rory and Lorelai look out the window at Kirk running by.]


Lorelai: Anyway, Rory, but Adam and Eve were separated from God. And it got passed down through all the generations like a bad gene.


Rory: Wow, I wish I would’ve gotten your big feet instead.


Lorelai: Hey, I don’t have big feet!


Rory: So what happens because we got the bad gene?


Lorelai: Well, Reverend said that we are without hope… which I mean I wasn’t too convinced of. But he said that’s why God had to send Jesus.


Rory: The manger baby?


Lorelai: Yeah, Jesus came as a baby because we were without hope and He was the answer. He’s God - in flesh.


Rory: How was a little baby supposed to bring us hope?


Lorelai: Well, this is where it gets good. You know like in Casablanca when Ingrid Bergman shows up to Humphrey Bogart’s night club?


Rory: So now baby Jesus is Humphrey Bogart?


Lorelai: No, He’s Ingrid Bergman. He shows up and everyone is like, “Who the heck is this guy going around telling everyone He’s God?” But He was God! And then all the Roman soldiers and religious leaders wanted Him dead. But what they didn’t realize was that God had already promised His people that wandered around the wilderness…


Rory: The Israelites?


Lorelai: Yeah, wait how’d you know that?


Rory: I read.


Lorelai: Ah yes, you’re a regular Bible scholar now! Anyway, He promised that He’d send a Savior to fix all the broken parts of the world.


Rory: He’s the glue.


Lorelai: And He died.


Rory: Oh, bye Jesus…


Lorelai: And then He came back to life…


Rory: Oh welcome back…


Lorelai: And then He was like real life Zombie Jesus walking around doing miracles and healing people. But, the point of the story is that because He died and then came back to life, we can have a relationship with Him.


Rory: How?


Lorelai: Well, that’s part of what makes the season so magical Rory. You just have to believe.


[Rory looks outside and it starts to snow.]


Lorelai: See… magical!


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